Tuesday, June 28, 2005
It's strange that people who can forget you at the drop of the hat always seems to come back into your life as if nothing has happened. Ah well, I refuse to worry over it anymore. Be a cold day in hell before I beg any to talk to me. To laugh with me. To share with me. If it happens, it happens. Life is good with or without someone in it. Way it is, way it always will be. Sighs.
Sunday, June 26, 2005
I had an interesting conversation with a friend today. We were both discussing why we were alone and what could we do to change it. His problem, and he readily admits it, is that he can't trust women. I've tried to tell him that he needs to quit tarring every woman with the same brush. There are a few of us good ones out there but he's just happened to find all the bad ones. He didn't think that was so funny. He likes me so he tolerates my humor. Myself, I'm just scared. Scared of rejection. Of being told I'm not good enough, pretty enough, or sexy enough for them to want to hang around a while and get to know me. Yea, I know. Self-esteem issues. Been this way for years, think I'm going to change now? Ha!
Saturday, June 25, 2005
It's strange sometimes. You wake up with such clarity, vision, and sense that you know where you are in life and it's really okay..but then, as the day goes one, doubts creep in. Seeking little corners of your mind to make you question, are you really as happy as you think you are? content? accepting? settled? At these times, I just wish my brain would shut up!
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Sunday, June 12, 2005
I am writing for myself. Not for anyone else as it is apparent no one really gives a damn when or if they read my words. I'm so tired of so many things in life right now. My life, my job, my lack of personal relationships. I sit in this chair online and watch others talk about meeting, talk about how well it went, and all I can do is cry. Maybe it's because I'm so hormonal. I don't know. I could just be tired. Question is, am I too tired for life...? sighs...
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
I asked a friend today why we don't talk much. His reply, "I'm watching you and I also see you have a lot of irons in the fire right now". Irons in the fire huh? Is that why my phone never rings? No one ever comes over? I have no one to hold me tight when the day has been brutal and I am weary. I talk to quite a few online sometimes. Some I consider really good online friends. But in truth, that's all they are. Online friends. Very few of them stop and ask me how my day was, how I am feeling, or if things are going well for me. I don't expect them to care that much about my life. I care enough for us both. Irons in the fire...it's all just smoke.