Monday, May 30, 2016
When you’re a plus size woman, people like to say "Yeah, she's cute in the face." As if being full figured is such a disgrace. Honey, I’m cute in the face, and I’m thick in the waist. I look good whether I’m in cotton, leather, or lace. I’m beautiful, vibrant and above all, smart! There's more to me than my weight, I also have a heart. Yes, my clothes may be a bigger size, that just means you have access to a bigger prize. We all are not self-conscious about our weight. So don’t think your small frame gives you more pull, I’m a fabulous curvy woman with a figure that's full!!
Three more days until we move to the new place. I'm so ready to go. Almost all packed except a few things in the kitchen and this computer. I wont' have Internet access until I find a new provider but hopefully that won't take too long. Kidlet is out of town for two weeks while I make this move for us. One less stress and worry about things. Now, if it would only hold off on the freaking RAIN until I get everything out of here!!
Friday, May 20, 2016
Life is going to be changing again for us. I found a place in next town for us to live that has all the things I wanted ... 2 bedroom/ 1 bath..washer and dryer connection. I am so excited to be finally moving over there because I've been wanting to for years now. It is closer to my work, daycare for kidlet, and more shops and food places. I've been slowly getting packed up but there is barely any room to put anything I pack up right now. I'm downsizing again once more by getting rid of things I don't want or need. I'm putting my personal life, what there is of it, on hold until we move. Life is ever changing...
Sunday, May 15, 2016
I've been thinking a lot lately about disappearing from people's lives and just going back to me and the kidlet only. Why? Because I don't like it when someone tries to "fix" things for me as if I'm incompetent or if someone tells me "my problems are trivial compared to others." Who needs to feel incompetent or unimportant? True, my life is sort of in a shambles right now. Praying I get the okay to move to a new place, packing, figuring out how to afford the higher rent, making sure the kidlet is okay while doing all of this "adulting." I don't place a high priority on other people right now and I feel as if I somehow being called to task over it because my life and my kid are more important. I don't always have time to play or tease or be light hearted when all I really want to do is crawl in bed, curl up, and cry. When you talk to other people, you have to be witty, charming, and tend to their needs before your own, and honestly, I'm not sure I have the energy or the strength to do that and I don't want to offend anyone. I just want chat about a bunch of nothing to take my mind off what I have going on but it tends to get personal when I don't want it to be. Let's be honest here. I'm 215lbs of fat, jiggling fat...I have no teeth unless I wear my dentures (which god forbid, women find this out because then it's ewwww), and I have the kid. I have no energy except to do what I need to do in life and that is about it. I don't feel sexy, wanton, or desired except as a conquest by a few people. Being around people who constantly talk about how their diets keep them lean and trim and anyone can lose weight is not my idea of a fun time. If I don't have the time and energy now how the hell am I going to have the time and energy to exercise and do other fun exciting things? I'm sure those that read this will think I'm such a whiner but it reality, I am just venting because no one truly understands the strain I am sometimes under. It's my life, my problems, and they matter. Even if some don't think they do....if people only knew how hard it is sometimes to just NOT take the whole bottle of Trazodone....
Sunday, May 08, 2016
Is it being needy to want someone to hold you sometimes, just to feel that closeness next to you? Is it being needy to want to have someone to lean on once in a while and maybe "rescue" you from your problems but not too much? Is it being needy to just want someone in your life at all?
Thursday, May 05, 2016
I made such a big mistake going back online to AOL. I only wanted to find adult conversation and instead find myself tied up in more knots than I know what with in life. Yes, Men. I think I prefer going back to my solitary life where I don't have to worry about trying to please someone else, be something I'm not, and settle for things I can't have. I didn't have a bad life. I was alone and didn't take any shit from anyone. I need that back. I need to stay alone. Forget being happy with someone and just be happy with me and kidlet. Yep, that's what I need.
Wednesday, May 04, 2016
Supposed to be a Stars Wars kind of day...not my cup of tea but they aren't bad movies. Not much going on right now. I guess all's quite on the open front is good news. Smashed my poor little pinky in the car door last Friday but finally feeling better. A little numb on the edge of it but otherwise it's all good. Just haven't felt like writing lately. Still same old problems, same old day... later...