Strange thoughts and other things...

I've been having really strange thoughts lately. Thinking about my husband and Dad. Both are deceased. I don't know why now. Maybe because I'm getting lonely again? Thinking about what if's and should have been's. I miss my Dad so much sometimes. He would've loved this World Wide Web and the many things you can discover online. When he was alive, he owned a Commodore 64! He thought he was really moving up in the world when he went to an IBM. He never did get online. The availability to do so through AOL didn't really get going for the American public until after he died. At least not the unlimited hours plan anyway. There are so many things I wish I could share with him but I know I can't. I miss him.

As for my husband, I wish I knew where our life together would've taken us. We were married for only two years before he died. Just enough time to have a daughter but not enough time to really know what being married felt like for us both. He was ten years older than I and more settled in his life. I was his first marriage. I was 18 and he was 28. Amazing, isn't it? I think about him every time I have a birthday, knowing he would've been 55 to my 45 this year. I sometimes miss him and what we could've had together so much. Sighs.

I wish I knew what my future held for me. I want to be married again. I don't want to spend the rest of my years just being a Mother. I would like to be a lover, a friend, and a companion to someone. Who knows what God has in store for me? I sure don't. I truly don't.

Strangest dream...

I had the strangest dream last night. I dreamt that my husband, who died, was somehow alive and wanting to move in with us. My kids kept switching from grown to toddlers every five minutes in the dream. I also dreamt that someone was after one of my kids who was suppose to be a lost royalty or wizard (I had a boy in the dream that was mine). Strange stuff, eh? I haven't really thought of my husband much in the past few years. Not that I'd ever forget him but just don't think about it unless Lauren says something about him. Of course, she came by yesterday, so that may have triggered that one. As for kids becoming toddlers...no, I do not want any more babies. I couldn't have any anyway. I want my kids (oldest two) to have them for me so I don't have to raise them. : ) Too many hidden meanings in dreams. Way too many.

Okay, so it's a three day weekend...

Big Deal! By Monday I'll be pulling my hair out from being cooped up in the house due to this blasted RAIN! Don't even get me started on gas prices. Who can travel if they want to due to high gas prices? Maybe, just maybe, if it stops raining and sun comes out...we might go to the Zoo. Maybe. Humidity will kill us then. Yea, yea, I'm whining...

Shrek!!

A must see for good laughs. I don't care if it's lame jokes or lame humor the way they do it just makes you laugh outloud. I especially like the part where the Ladies-in-waiting get TOUGH! I won't go into details, you need to just go see it!!! ; )

Revival..Praise Jesus!

Vicky and I went to a Pentacostal Revival today. My sitter invited us and I figured, why not? It wasn't too bad. Vicky, of course, wanted to go home 15 minutes after we got there. I talked her into staying for at least three hours. When they finally started the "preaching" and praying part, I think she was a tad bit scared. Several of the men started speaking in "tongues" and some of the kids were so wound up they were crying and praising Jesus. Not that there is anything wrong with that,maybe it's me (it's always me), but the "tongues" part made me uncomfortable. All in all though, it wasn't a bad day.

Tomorrow we are going to see Shrek III. Lauren has volunteered to go with us before she has to head to work. I'm looking forward to it. : )

President Bush and the noise level..

You can always tell when Mr. Bush is in town. We get fly by after fly by of JETS! I think they make huge circles over his ranch every few minutes and the roar of their engines can be extremenly loud. Fortunately, they do this during the day. At night, I think they go up higher as to not disturb the sleepers. Sometimes. Price you pay for living 11 miles from his ranch. : )

Love...it is so hard to find...

An online friend I've known for several years has finally found THE ONE. At least he hopes it is. I hope it is for him too. He called me yesterday in a panic though. Wanting to know if he was being too pushy too soon. I told him, in all my great wisdom, YES! He tends to be a bit impatient at times but fortunately he thinks I know all so he does listen to me. He followed my advice and now he is on the right track with her. I hope I don't lose his friendship due to this relationship. I voiced my concerns yesterday but he swears we will always be friends. I would miss him if he wasn't there for me to call and whine to or to just reach out to know someone was there for me. Either way, if our paths seperate in this life, I'll know he's happy and content. I couldn't ask for more for him. Truly. Now...where is my ONE? Ha!

Life on an even keel...

I'm amazed that so far this month life is going smoothly. No babysitter crisis. Kidlet isn't PMS'ing everyday. I'm not hurting as much in my knees. Think I am jinxing myself? Ha!

Much debate...

I had much debate about posting the previous entry. Mainly because I shared this site with the man in question. Then I decided to do it anyway. I won't hold back my feelings and concerns nor my way of voicing them out by writing them here. I will be me. Always.

Maybe I'm just slow...

I've talked a few times to a man from CA and maybe it's just me but I can't figure out what he wants. He's articulate, intelligent, seems nice enough, but he keeps stressing the point that he likes to read to women. Call me cautious or something but I get the feeling he'll eventually ask to call and read to me. There is nothing wrong with that really but it starting to make me feel overly cautious and uncomfortable. There are so many strange men online and it's hard to weed out the nuts from the truly sincere. Why can't some men just have a nice conversation without it being a sexual prelude? Maybe I'm getting the wrong idea. I don't know. It just bothers me. I know I can be touchy about anything sexual. My being celibate is my choice. I have my own issues to deal with on that subject but if I'm feeling uncomfortable, I'm not staying in a situation that makes me that way. It's a shame really because finding someone who is truly intelligent and a joy to talk to online is becoming a rare thing indeed.

I know I'm not the most exciting person around. I work. I raise my daughter. I live my life. That's it. I don't seek out men online. In fact, I won't IM them. I do talk to a few on a regular basis but we've talk about everything but sex. It's an online friendship. They listen when I need to rant, I listen when they need to rant. They ask about my day, I ask about theirs. I never feel uncomfortable talking to them. That list is very small though because it is so hard to find men such as these. Single men whom want nothing from you but your time. Maybe it's just me, as I said. Maybe.

I don't think I really like any holiday...

I'm depressed. Why? I have no clue..but I am. Tomorrow may be better...

Happy Mother's Day to all Moms!

Happy Mother's Day to me!!

Baby Pictures!!!

Sarah, Caleb, and Ryan (19 months old)

I'm a Grandma x 2 now...

Caleb James was born on May 2nd!!! I have no weight, times, or pics yet..but I'm gonna bug em till I do... hahahaha