Why it's hard for me to ask for help....

It's so hard to ask for help sometimes. I don't want to feel weak and small to those that matter most. I like to be strong, independent, and confident I can take care of myself and my child. I have to admit, though, that the past few months have been harder than most and I've never had such a hard time just keeping things together and surviving. Too many nights I cry myself to sleep with worry and feelings of being "out of control" the way things are going right now. When I do get help, I may act like it I didn't need it, but I do. I may not show much emotion about it but it's there. I'm thankful so much for the person in my life that can and wants to help me. I don't ever want to take that for granted and I don't. Prideful, I am, but even I have to admit defeat right now. Life is hard, really hard,but I can do this...so thank you from my heart....

Thankful....

Things I remind myself every day I must be thankful for:

1.) My kids
2.) Grand babies
3.) My health (generally healthy)
4.) I have a job
5.) My new tires!
6.) I keep my bills paid
7.) Kids are healthy
8.) I wake up alive
9.) I have a car
and most important-my friends whom I can trust and count on to put up with me when I get all melancholy and annoying.

Sometimes....

Sometimes you look back at your life at what you've done, lost, or accomplished and you wonder, have I done enough, lost enough, or succeeded enough? It's so hard sometimes trying to decide what you need against what you want. I sit and wonder sometimes will I ever truly feel happy again or will I just continue going through the motions of my life trying to make it through another day? I have my lifelines.... my kids, grand babies, and someone dear to me but sometimes I need more. I feel lost in a sea of emotions I can't seem to break through or get rid of. I can only hope its because I'm tired, lonely, and just overwhelmed to feel this badly. It will pass. It must. I'll make it pass one way or another.