Sunday, January 23, 2011

Some days...

Some days I think I just can't go on...
My patience wears thin for taking care of the kidlet especially when she decides to take a cup of milk and sling it around the room because it looks cool to do so. My memory isn't what it used to be. I find myself forgetting stupid stuff like leaving a brisket thawing out all night long instead of putting it back in the fridge (fortunately I put it out late enough that it was still cool). I had a job interview and I sabotaged myself because I hate change. I have an almost degree (5 months to go) and I don't want to do a thing with it. Am I a bad parent because I try to imagine my life without the kidlet? I'm almost 49 years old and can see myself in this same position 20 or more years down the road. Lonely, lost, forgetful, and fat. Let's discuss the elephant in the room and discuss my weight gain of 50+ lbs over the past two years. I think today I am just going to cry...maybe, just maybe, it will help...or not.

1 comment:

dona said...

Go ahead and cry....sometimes it does make you feel better...if even for a minute.

Even though I don't know you well, I have to say it saddens me to read you are hurting. But I also have to say I have felt the same way lately. I wonder if the forgetfulness and patience or lack of it goes with getting older?

I admire you for the things you have accomplished. Taking care of anyone, child or parent is not for everyone.

And if it makes you feel better, my elephant is bigger than yours...:)