Happy Freaking New Year!

I know, it's only New Year's Eve, but what the heck..celebrate! Maybe next year will be better..maybe.

I am my own worst enemy...

I cancelled my memberships for Match.com and Yahoo Personals. I was talking to a man from Yahoo Personals that lives near me and we had made arrangements to meet on the 6th but somehow in our conversation the day before yesterday, he was trying to invite himself over for NYE. First of all, no man that I haven't met in public yet is coming over to my house where I reside with a child alone. Second, I asked him what would we do. He said, "Have fun." Maybe I panicked, I don't know. My first thought of when he said, have fun, was that he wanted to wait till kid went to sleep and then we both jump in the bed. I mean, there really isn't anything more to do here than that. I'm not ready for that step. Especially with a man I don't know. I wrote him an email this morning politely telling him I didn't think it would work out. I get the idea he wants someone for a roll in the hay and not someone for life. Granted, sex is a major part of any relationship but you have to get to know each other first. I'm realizing more and more everyday that I'm scared. Scared to take that first step to let someone in my life. Scared of what demands they may make on me that I can't fulfill for them. The idea of anyone seeing me nude right now petrifies me to death. My body isn't pretty. It's not svelte or clear of fat deposits. I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror let alone someone else looking at me in person. I realize men and women's perceptions are different when they look at another but I have to get over mine first, I think. I'm lonely but I like living alone. Strange combination, don't you think? For now, I'll keep the world at arm's length while I just try to make do with who I am. Life is way too complicated enough without adding more people into the equation. I was never any good at math anyway...

I'm in shock!

I just found out someone linked me on their Journal. How cool is that? thanks Kari!!

Survived Christmas...

Well Xmas is over, finally. We spent a quiet day at home and I do mean QUIET. My computer crashed on Christmas Eve so we made a mad dash to Best Buy to get a new hard drive. Drove 20 miles or so to get one, come home, find out it's the wrong type. Get in truck. Drive 20 miles back to Best Buy to exchange it for right kind. Finally get home and as I try to partion and format the drive, I forget the most important thing. You have to reboot completely after you partion!! Yea, yea, I know, dumb me. Took me three days of figuring with the dang thing to finally dawn on me, DOH! After that, it was a snap. Got the new 250GB hard drive installed with the OS. Moved files over from my second drive, reformatted that one. Then I got this brilliant idea. Let's reformat the old drive, if possible, and use it for the second drive. Now that I remembered HOW to do it, that was a snap. I now have 400GB of drive space on here between two fixed drives. How cool is that? I'm so proud of myself for fixing it by myself. FDISK and FORMAT are not two things a novice should ever mess it. Computer classes seemed to have paid off, eh? Happy Late Merry Christmas!

What is going on?

I wish I knew what was going on with my knees lately. They are SORE! Arthritis maybe? It's hard to walk when you creak all over the place. Fortunately I am off work next week so I plan on being super lazy. I deserve it. I need it. It's my non-party and I'm not crying! : )

Geesh...it took long enough..

I've been trying for days to log into this new Blogger. I don't like it. I may switch. Signing into Google is more hassle than it's worth!

On a better note, we got a free Ham today at work. Nice of the boss man, eh? I'm hoping to trade my ham for a turkey with a friend of mine. I'm not real big on hams. If I can't trade, we will eat it but we both prefer turkey. Not much going on here really. I am closing out my Match.com account. I signed up for Yahoo Personals for a month to see how that goes. I'm really conducting an experiment. I'm trying to see exactly how many men email me when they come across my no nonsense profile and too the point words. Actually, I don't believe they want honesty. They prefer their women to lie to them. The less they know, the better. OH well, such is life...

Life's twists and turns..

Things have been going okay for us lately. Not perfect, mind you, but okay. I think I did manage to scare off my only Match.com person but oh well, I consider it rude not to respond to someone's emails and I won't play that game anyway so one less thing to worry over for now. I expect to be super busy this week due to being shut down the week after next as our company closes for the holidays. I am hoping to be called in during that week though as it is overtime for me! I could use it right now. I've been on a book buying binge lately and I need to stop that. Read what I have and then wait. Nothing too much new out there I haven't ordered, I don't think. My local library is going to love me again. : ) Until next time...

Ah, grocery shopping..

There is nothing nicer than having a full pantry. I don't quite have a full freezer yet but at least it's a start. I get paranoid if my pantry gets to low or my freezer seems to have less than what I think it should. I worry that I can't feed my kidlet. I don't worry too much about me. I'll eat whatever but her, I worry about. Amazing that you can spend 200.00 at a store and not buy any meat. Staples, personals, and other such objects are getting so expensive. I can't complain though, I can't fit any more into my cabinets or my pantry. For now. : )

You just know things are bad when...

You manage to run off the ONLY man that contacts you via Match.com. I mean, he wanted honesty, right? I told him I wasn't looking for a 31 yr old but I wouldn't rule him out. We could chat, who knows, we might actually like each other. What happens? he disappears. Runs away. Hides. I don't get it. Men want honesty but when they hear it they get pissed off? And they claim we are screwy...sheesh.

It's official...

I quit. I quit looking for someone to be with in life. You give a person honesty and they don't like you for it. You have a kid that others don't want, they don't like you for it. I'll take my feelings, my heart, and my emotions and wrap them up and put them away. Forever. I quit.

Health insurance..to do it or not to do it...

I managed to finally get the cost on our new health insurance with the new company today. I have no clue if it's good or not. Let me know what you think. It will cost me 44.87 bi-weekly with an annual deductible of 2,000.00 per calendar year. I've been pricing plans for myself with other companies and so far everything with a 2,000.00 deductible is running me over the 90.00 a month I'll end up paying at work. Hmmm. Question is, how sick do I want to be? Any thoughts would be appreciated...

When the simplicities of life fail to bring you joy? What do you do?

The whole Match.com thing...

It's funny, this whole Match.com thing. Every profile from a man says they want to meet someone fun. Someone independant. Someone who can travel. Someone beautiful, thin, and sexy. I sincerely hope they find their "perfect" woman. Never mind those of us who are responsible, caring, sincere, have a few lbs but a good heart, prefer spending time doing family things instead of wandering off to the wild blue without the kids, and who doesn't expect perfection. I'm sorry guys but a majority of women out there have kids, have a few extra lbs, have worry lines and stress, don't know what fun is so much anymore due to worries, and just can't walk away from our responsibilities. I'm seriously beginning to believe there is no such thing as my "perfect" Match anywhere.

I wonder sometimes..

I sit and think sometimes..what did I do before the Internet? I read more, that I know. I actually got outside more. Other than that, I watched way too much television. Which is worse, I wonder? watching tv or being online?

I'm so going to regret this...

I decided to once again join Match.com. I'm going to regret it. They either wink at you..or just view the profile. This time I just put it up there plain. I have an 18 yr old mentally challenged child that isn't leaving my life. Take us or leave us. Maybe it's just me. I'm just too dang tired of the games. The hunt. The losers. Or maybe, I am just plain tired...