Sitters, sitters ..everywhere...

Well, so far so good. The woman who has been watching her all week decided she was up for the job and will continue to watch her. We will see what happens come summertime though. I found a backup sitter also. Until she goes to school, that is. She is watching her for me tomorrow so I can work 6 hrs of OT and enjoy getting my paycheck. Hopefully I can work another 6 hrs OT next weekend also. 12 hours of OT is nothing to sneeze at, is it? It will buy us some groceries anyway. STILL no W2 form from this new company. I want my tax refund!!! I can't file until I have their blasted EIN number. Maybe we will get lucky and get it by the 31st. We better. Only takes two weeks to get it back when you e-file, but it's a LONG two weeks. : )

Where do my early mornings go to?

I awake everyday at 5:30. Why? Because I hate being rushed for work. I like to shower, do the usual beauty treatments (ha), and take my time over toast while I read my email or do other things. Lately though I seem to be running out of time! I think I'm moving slower. A sign of old age perhaps? Even with taking care of the kid, which I have down to an art form, I still don't seem to have enough time to relax in the mornings. I guess I will have to wake up at 4:30 in order to find time for me. ARGHHH...skip me time, I'd rather be sleeping....

Life choices...

It seems given the sitter situation that I'll be making a tough life decision in a few years. Vicky will be 21 and out of school then and I'll have to decide what needs to be done for her best interests. It's getting harder and harder every year to do this on my own. I worry the more I age that if something happens to me, what will become of her? As much as I hate to admit it, finding a place for her may be my only option. It will give her stability and an environment where she is cared for and greatly improve my peace of mind. It breaks my heart to try to make this decision...just breaks my heart.

Maybe a sitter...not holding my breath ...I might turn blue...

Still no sitter.....sighs

So much for new sitters..

I've tried three times today to contact the new sitter and three times I've either been told she wasn't home or was busy. I left messages for her to call me back and not a word have I heard. I was right in my instincts that she wasn't good for this job. It doesn't help that I have no one to watch my daughter so I can work. I have to take a personal day off tomorrow because no one is there to watch her. I did find an adult day care place in Waco and I'll be calling them tomorrow. I pray that this will be an answer to a prayer. I don't know what else to do if they can't help me. Living in my truck with her isn't an option. It's just not. Can you tell I'm a bit depressed about it all?

Is something wrong with me?

I sometimes wonder if something is truly wrong with me. For the past 7 years, give or take, I could care less if I ever am intimately involved with someone again. I have no urge to seek out someone for that special closeness most people seem to need. I am disheartened that most the men I talk to online find a way to bring it up in conversation..yes, that three letter word that just seems too much to deal with for me.. SEX. I know I can be passionate, caring, and inventive lover because I have been in the past. I just don't want to deal with it NOW. Hormonal maybe? Is it so wrong to want a guy to be enamored of my mind first, and then, be totally surprised I can be fantastic in other ways too? Why is it always SEX first? then they see if you can carry a conversation? Will I ever be ready to be with someone again? ever? sighs....

I think I found another one...

Talked to a woman on Friday and she will more than likely be babysitting for me. Only two people called in reply to my ad, sad eh? One was way too young and the other one, well, she has the job. We will see how it goes... I can't believe ONLY one good person called to babysit. What would've I done if she hadn't? I don't even want to go there.....

It's happening again....

I am losing another sitter. This one I found is moving out of town. This is so crazy. Going through three sitters in one school year sucks big time. I'll have to put another ad in the paper now and hope for the best. More stress..how wonderful!

You don't know me....

You don't know me until you've walked a lifetime in my shoes
You don't know me until you've take my stresses as your own
You don't know me until you've held my child in your arms
You don't know me until you've paid my bills
You don't know me until you've laid awake at night worrying
You don't know me until you've felt my heartache from lost loves
You don't know me until you've feel as alone as I feel

Destiny....

Let's see... I tried Match.com, Yahoo Personals, and now eHarmony. I think I'm doomed, doomed I say! There is NOT a single man out there that is willing to accept a child into their lives because she is handicapped. I think I am beyond caring now. A person can get rejected only so many times before they just become numb to it. The year 2007 is going to be the year that I finally accept I will be alone with my child for the rest of my life. It's not a bad thing, truly. Just a sad thing. We will survive!

I survived..

I survived the first day back to work. I'll be busy all week though so it's just one down and three to go. I thought I would have to be working late but fortunately I finished all that needed to be done TODAY. Tomorrow on the other day...starts it all over again : ) and boy, am I sore. Not working for a week isn't such a good idea!

Last thoughts for the 2006....

As 2006 came to a close I think back to see if I've learned anything of value. I've learned to be comfortable being alone. Even though I am alone raising my child does not mean I need to be unhappy. I've learned that GOD watches over those who need it and if he does not answer every prayer, losing faith shouldn't be an option. I've learned that I have the right to choose which conversations I want to partake in and should not feel guilty because I cannot be someone I am not. I've learned I am a strong person although at times I still need a shoulder to cry on, friends to listen, and to help at times. The year 2007 is wide open for anything. For suprises, good times, bad times, or just living. It is up to me how I greet it and to appreciate all it is or will be. Happy New Year to those reading this and may you be blessed with nothing more than you can handle or if life takes a troubled road for you this coming year, may you be blessed to be strong enough to handle it. Life calls it's own shots... greet it as you will.