Long time...

It's been a long time since my last post. Does that mean things are going well or have I just become lazy? I've been really stressed lately. Worried about how to pay my school loan, my car payment, keep my kid fed and deal with all the drama at work that sometimes pops up. Everyday I ask myself is there something better out there? I'm not so sure anymore if I like my job or not which is sad because I really do like the place. All I can do is keep praying for answers and hoping things work out.


-- Posted from my iPhone

I've almost forgotten I've had this....

Life is going by too fast for me. I finally graduated in June "with honors" and don't have a clue what I'll do with my degree. My job is still going strong but I'm still barely hanging on moneywise. Kidlet is doing good, still don't get to see Grandbabies much when I do, they are great! No love life to speak of but then, I like it that way. I guess life is okay. Quiet is good, right?

Graphing

Someone please tell me why I need to learn this again?

Four weeks to go...

I have four weeks left of school. I don't know if its stress, too much happiness, or what but I also been having headaches. Why, oh why, can't things just go smoothly without pain or agony? It's always something, isn't it? Oh, here are some new pics of the babies and Caylee:

Lauren and Caylee


Ava and Charis (guess which one is the cabbage-patch kid look-a-like?

Job...

I have some good news, at least, about my job. I got transferred to new department that offers unlimited hours to get things done. I now close mail for our Litigations team. I miss scanning but I need the hours and can't life off 25 hours a week. I'm thankful for that...

Daughters...

I've been sitting here looking at pictures of Lauren and the babies and bawling my eyes out. I am in the doghouse with Lauren and have been since Caylee's birthday party. Apparently I said something I shouldn't have (which I didn't) and she got mad about it. We had an argument and I said something I shouldn't have (which I did) and she refuses to answer my phone calls, texts, or emails. I guess I shouldn't be too surprise. She's ashamed of me and her sister and always has been. We aren't rich enough, pretty enough, or I guess good enough to be around her or her "family." It's hard when a child shuts you out and makes you feel inferior. As if I don't feel that enough on my own already...

Depression sucks...

I think I'm depressed. I haven't had this feeling in a long time. Lauren and I aren't talking. Vicky is driving me nuts and she just got back from being away for a week. School is almost done and I wish it was done now. We were cut down to 25 hours a week at work but our boss fought for us to get 40 back to get our work done in time. I can live on 40 hours a week, barely. My right shoulder/arm is killing me. Not sure if it's my shoulder or my arm, it just throbs. My right ankle feels as if I sprained it but I know I haven't. I'm falling apart! I just want to crawl into bed, sleep, and never wake up or at least, wake up after 16 hours of sleep maybe. Ain't life grand?

It's sad....

Well Lauren and I had a fight and I basically told her I won't be in her life. She does not need me nor does she seem to want me around anyway. I'll miss my grandbabies though but tired of trying to justify myself to her. Maybe she'll miss me, maybe she won't.


-- Posted from my iPhone

Miss Caylee is TWO!

Little Miss Caylee turned two yesterday. As you can see, she wants everything. She was trying to grab my purple covered phone as I was taking her picture. She just is the cutest thing! The babies are getting so big its hard to tell them apart. Both are FAT and CHUBBY! Kidlet is driving is driving me nuts. Taking her to OK this coming Friday for a week. Maybe by the time she comes back my bad mood will be gone.

Only have TWO more classes and then I graduate! Yay me!!!

We have SNOW!!!!

The Reason I Exist....

Charis


Ava


Caylee


Vicky

Some days...

Some days I think I just can't go on...
My patience wears thin for taking care of the kidlet especially when she decides to take a cup of milk and sling it around the room because it looks cool to do so. My memory isn't what it used to be. I find myself forgetting stupid stuff like leaving a brisket thawing out all night long instead of putting it back in the fridge (fortunately I put it out late enough that it was still cool). I had a job interview and I sabotaged myself because I hate change. I have an almost degree (5 months to go) and I don't want to do a thing with it. Am I a bad parent because I try to imagine my life without the kidlet? I'm almost 49 years old and can see myself in this same position 20 or more years down the road. Lonely, lost, forgetful, and fat. Let's discuss the elephant in the room and discuss my weight gain of 50+ lbs over the past two years. I think today I am just going to cry...maybe, just maybe, it will help...or not.

My life....

I keep wondering when I will get my life back. Between school, work, and kidlet I don't have time to write! I have THREE more classes until I earn my Bachelor's degree...woohooo!. I am considering obtaining an Associate degree concentrating on medical records (coding and billing). I figure if I keep on taking courses, I'll die before I have to pay off my school loans...haha. Kidlet is doing good. She still has her 'tude at times but overall things are running smoothly with her and daycare. Babies, babies, babies...I get to see them a bit more now that Lauren's hormones are getting normal (haha). Posting the latest pictures of them for the world to see...as soon as I move them from my phone to computer. Happy Friday!