I've been having really strange thoughts lately. Thinking about my husband and Dad. Both are deceased. I don't know why now. Maybe because I'm getting lonely again? Thinking about what if's and should have been's. I miss my Dad so much sometimes. He would've loved this World Wide Web and the many things you can discover online. When he was alive, he owned a Commodore 64! He thought he was really moving up in the world when he went to an IBM. He never did get online. The availability to do so through AOL didn't really get going for the American public until after he died. At least not the unlimited hours plan anyway. There are so many things I wish I could share with him but I know I can't. I miss him.
As for my husband, I wish I knew where our life together would've taken us. We were married for only two years before he died. Just enough time to have a daughter but not enough time to really know what being married felt like for us both. He was ten years older than I and more settled in his life. I was his first marriage. I was 18 and he was 28. Amazing, isn't it? I think about him every time I have a birthday, knowing he would've been 55 to my 45 this year. I sometimes miss him and what we could've had together so much. Sighs.
I wish I knew what my future held for me. I want to be married again. I don't want to spend the rest of my years just being a Mother. I would like to be a lover, a friend, and a companion to someone. Who knows what God has in store for me? I sure don't. I truly don't.