Sighs...

There are so many things I wish I could say on here but I am afraid to really state how I feel. I sometimes wish I could just learn the art of not feeling nor caring about anyone. Be like the thousand other people that inhabit this planet. How nice it would be to not feel hurt, cry, or just be lonely because I don't care enough to feel that way. How nice it would be....

Did you know???

That twelve, just twelve, minutes in a tanning bed will cook your body? I moved up from eight minutes to twelve yesterday and I do believe my boby wasn't prepared for it. I now have a red chest, stomach, and back. Oh, and my neck is a tad red. I am hoping this fades into a tan and not some gross peeling snake look. If it doesn't go away soon, I have to cancel my upcoming chance to fry yet more parts of my body this week. I am determined to look tanned this summer. I never get out. I go around with my arms tanned and the rest of me white. Gee work sure interrupts my playtime in the summer. Other than trying to cook myself, it's been okay this week. Wish me luck!

It's been an okay week if you don't count me losing it over PMS. Went a little bonkers on some things this week but hopefully back on even keel now. I think certain times of the month I should just be locked in a room full of books for a week and told I can only come out to eat or drink something. Would be much safer for all, I think. Work has still been slow. I don't know if I should dread the coming month or not now. March is usually an audit month for some hospitals so busy I will be. Went out last night with a couple of people from work. Played...gasp! Bingo! I did Bingo but had to split it three ways. It was all still good. Paid for my games so I broke even. All that matters, correct? Kiddo is doing good. She's been good lately with only a few lapses of thinking she's boss. Mom fixes that right off..haha. Week still has two days to go. A lot can happen in two days so we will see what's in store for me. Later....

Have you ever felt???

As if you can't breathe and every breath you do take your heart shatters a tiny bit more? It leaves you gasping for air as the tears slide down your face to realize you lost something you never really had but thought you did? Gasping for air....

Life sucks eggs sometimes...

Today was an okay day, this evening however, SUCKED!

Spinning round and round....

She twirls to the tune of some unknown music in her head. Laughing and smiling as the spinning makes her dizzy and feel as if she is one with the world. Spinning round and round and round and round until BOOM! down she goes in a heap...watching the world spin around without her.

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which almost went unnoticed. Larry La Prise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey," died peacefully at age 93.

The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.


SHUT UP! You know it's funny!

Does anyone???

Even read this stuff? or am I just writing into cyberspace, wasting words, thoughts, ideas, and spending vast amount of emotions all for just me? I guess I really am not sure I want to know. In case I happen to suffer a bad attack of PMS and write really stupid sad stuff on here. I wouldn't do that, would I?

Valentine's Day is OVER!!!

I don't know why this year it was so hard for me. It's never bothered me before like it has this year. My oldest, bless her, bought me a rose and had it waiting at the house for when I came home for lunch. Sighs. What would I do without that kind thought? I don't know how I raised such a good kid. Mind you, she is not perfect, none of us are. But she continues to surprise me off and on. I now that I spent what tears I didn't know I still had in me, it is time for bed. Night all.

My coming goal for the next week...

To survive another Valentine's Day alone...

A work in progress...

As shifting meadows lie dormant throughout the changing hands of time, warm winds blow softly across the horizons, and an ever changing view of this world of uncertainty causes chaos upon the changing eve of time. Who knows where the wandering footsteps of the fairy maiden will take her as she gingerly steps among the blooms of flowers growing throughout the hillside vista. Is she running to or from some unknown image that only she can see in her mind that we are not privy to as she circles her steps within the meadow? What awaits her at the end of her trail? Some long lost fulfillment that she seeks to make her whole or is she running from the emptiness within her soul? Watch slowly as she makes her way into the world of uncertainty. Tiptoeing through life as if each step weighs her life's decisions upon them. A never ending cycle of unknowns...

Those who lie in wait for things to happen never fully succeed in seeing them come to pass. Wanting the value of life to be more than what it is, is only a dream of many, truth for a few. What comes to be is not always as simple as you make it to be, for many dreams are complex, and finding the right path to the now is as seemingly difficult as actually living the dream. Dream not of an unobtainable future but of the present for it is the now, the living, that need to breathe and be seen as real. Not some half witted idea, an odd presence in the mind of a few who find it necessary to live only in the past or look for the future behind every doorway. The present. For only it can give you comfort now, not later, not in the past. Now.

My dream...

I lazily stretch and yawn as I slowly awaken from a dream filled sleep. Vestiges of images still weigh on my mind as I rethink of what I dreamt. His touch, ever so soft upon my skin. His heartbeat, slowly melding to match my own. His kiss, gentle, yet firm and demanding. My own dream man, willing to do whatever I need done to satisfy me. To fulfill my wants and needs. Will he always just be in my dreams?

What I like....

I think sometimes about what I look for in a mate. Perhaps I am too picky. Not willing to settle for someone who cannot stimulate my mind as well as my soul. I don't go for looks although I will be human and say sometimes it's good to just look at someone. I go for their mind. I want to be seduce with words, thoughts, emotions, and feel as if I am peeking inside a part of them that they hide from the world but not from me. I come across very few men that intrigue me to that degree. Right now I can count them on my fingers. I want to peek at their mind. The mind. The most complex, orgasmic, and appealing part of a person's body. I don't want the looks, they fade. I want the mind. For it is in the imagination that you will always see what you wish to see. Always feel what you wish to feel. And always, always, be entertained.

If you only knew...

If you only knew the secrets my heart speaks of when no one is around. The dreams I have, the wants, the needs. I always go for the unattainable. I don't know why. Perhaps because what I see is so much better than what I have now. There is something I want right now but I am so afraid to ask for it. Afraid of being told no. Rejection is cruelest from someone you like. So I pretend to myself, it's okay. Being friends is all you need to be. Wanting a bit more, needing a bit more, is not yours to ask. Maybe some day...I will get my wish.

Wishful thinking...

My mind is going around in many tangents tonight. Thinking...dreaming...wishing...wanting. I don't like it when I get like this. Wanting too much and not being able to have it. I don't ask for much from someone. Just good conversation, to be held, to be loved, to be needed. Why is this so difficult for some? Why do we hide like mushrooms in the dark only venturing forth after a rainstorm of emotions? We guard our hearts as if they were made of the strongest gold and yet, they are as fragile as glass. What I want in life...someone to listen to me. Someone to hear me. Someone for me.

Walk softly...

Walk softly into my heart...
listen closely as it beats with every breathe that you take.
Walk softly into my heart...
as every beat portrays how much I care.
Walk softly into my heart...
feel my heartbeat as it beats against your own.

If I open the door...

If I open the door, will you be there?
If I let you in, will you tread lightly on my heart?
If I hold you close, will you never let me go?
If I place my trust in you, will you never betray me?
If I give you my heart, will you treat it like glass?
If I open the door, will it be worth it?

Do you see me there???

Do you see me there? Patiently waiting on the sidelines until you can spare a moment of your time? Do you see me there? Hoping for a word or two, something to just brighten my day? I am invisible most likely. Fading into the woodwork as if I don't exist. Blending into my surroundings so that when you look for me, I am not there. Do you see me? I hope some day you will...

Some days...

Some days the lonliness just sets in and I don't know how to handle it. I miss the intimacy of having someone close by to talk to, hold, or just to be with. Some days I feel the aloneness much more than others and I wonder ..just wonder sometimes...

It's sunshine outside!!!

Ah, we finally have sunshine today. It won't last. Thunderboomers are heading this way this evening but for now, it is 55 and beautiful outside. I've been outside cleaning up a little around the house. Just enjoying the great weather. I haven't written much lately because I've been busy reading. A friend sent me a box of books and I've managed to make my way through half of them already. (Thanks M.C!) I've also have some I bought myself that I need to make headway through. I guess you can say, no news, is good news? Feeling a little restless today though. Maybe I will get fortunate and a friend will call, hint hint! Until then, off I go to clean house...

Hmmm....

I've been doing some thinking lately. Well, actually just daydreaming. There is someone that I like and I wish at times that I was his "type". I truly enjoy talking with him though. Much more that I let him know. Some things in life you just have to accept and this is one of them. Doesn't keep me from daydreaming though : ) Life here is okay. I am finally breaking down and going to doctor's tomorrow for me. Tired of either being stuffy or drippy and not knowing why. Things need to get back on even keel. It makes me cranky! I am also so sick of RAIN! We've had nothing but rain here for the past week and it needs to go away! They are calling for sunshine rest of the week though, so one can hope. Kid is finally well, yippee! I'm starting to feel a bit maudlin so trying to avoid writing in here when I get like that. I know what the problem is, just no way to fix it at the moment. So keeping this short tonight and simple....have a good one!!!