Time flies so fast...

It's been almost a year now since I told someone goodbye and ended a friendship. I still miss them. I wonder how they are doing and if they ever think of me. I know it's counter-productive to do so but I can't help it. I tend to care too much about people. I know it's my emotions being over-run today due to hormones but it still hurts. Losses. Sometimes I love my life. No one to answer to, pick up after (cept the kid), make compromises for, and worry about them. Then again, I miss someone around to cry on their shoulder, hold me when I feel lonely, help with the kid, and to love me. Trade offs, are they really worth it?

Rats..rats...and double rats...

(Men avoid this one)

I was so hoping I could just slip into menapause without any problems, worries, or whatnots. No such luck. After 161 days without a you know what, I started today. So far it's not too bad. I was imagining all sorts of dire cramping, flooding, and major aches. I do have this headache or tense neck muscle but I'm not sure how much of that is due to tension or my job. I'm a tad moody this week so have been avoiding AOL like the plague. I've no patience for idiots when I get this way.

Kidlet is doing okay. Slight cold but meds are making that one go away.

I keep meaning to call my Aunt and see how she is doing but I keep putting it off. I'm not sure if it's because I'm still down about my Uncle or if I just don't want to talk to anyone at all right now. I will force myself to call her soon though. I should do it because I do really love this Aunt better than any other one I have in the family.

Not much going on other than that this week. Work is keeping me hopping as usual. Until next time...

It's not been a good week...

Sunday, the 29th, my Uncle passed away. Thus began the start of "the not good week". I found out about my Uncle on Wednesday. Why didn't my relatives have my phone number? They called an Aunt of mine who proceeded to call me at work. I immediately thought, oh no, something happened to that side of the family. No, I was wrong. Something happened on the other side of the family. The good side. The best guy. The sweetest man on this earth who would get up in the middle of the night to help anyone. He was a preacher, a family man, a car salesman (I know, ironic, isn't it?), a fisherman, and most of all, the husband of 54 years to my Aunt. Can you imagine being married for 54 years? I can't even imagine having a relationship anymore that would last a month. Needless to say, I had to make a rush trip to Oklahoma on Wednesday. They were able to get in touch with me just in time for me to attend the funeral on Thursday. I keep kicking myself because I've been wanting to go up there all last month. Next time, I'll listen to myself. A word of advice though: NEVER EVER hit Fort Worth at 5pm on a weekday. It took me an hour and a half to drive through it. Fortunately there were no major accidents in which to slow me down even more. I arrived back home on Thursday night at 8pm. Totally exhausted, emotionally and physically. A small price to pay to say my goodbyes to this man, my Uncle. Sighs.

Sad but happy...

I'm a tad sad. My Grandson, Ryan, is a year old today. I can't make his party but what I am sad about is that I didn't even get an invite. True, I forfeit any rights in their lives due to her not being my daughter except by blood, but it would've been nice to at least get the invite. I'm truly happy that her and I finally crossed paths in life (I gave her up for adoption when I was 16) and what little bit she does allow me in is great but....okay, I want to whine about it. She does talk to her sister a bit more and for that I am grateful also. Her sister has known about her since she was little and always wanted to meet her. I guess I could just say something to her. Be open about how I've been feeling. Not today though..today is his day. I'll just call and wish him Happy Birthday. Least I can do.

I'm restless...

I'm so restless lately. I don't know if it's the weather finally changing and becoming bearable or if it's only me. Work has slowed down (for now) and that isn't too bad although I don't handle having nothing to do too well. Pickup has been causing a few problems but hopefully mechanic has that fixed. Got to buy groceries today so we don't starve for the next few weeks. Kidlet seems happy lately or at least, she's not asserting herself in non-positive ways. Maybe I'm just lonely... for something.....I don't know what.

I've been busy..with stuff.

I've been busy updating my resume lately. I figure it couldn't hurt. I had one once in the format of a web site but I can't find the disks I stored it on. I've been looking over my education and my work history and I can't say I've had any regrets. Oh okay, one maybe. Instead of working on an Accounting and General Business (Assoc's) degrees, I wish I had went with my other love, Database Management. I've managed to accumulate over 100 hrs of education and am still not doing what I love best. Messing with computers. The classes I need are only offered in the daytime at our local community college and I don't want to take out another school loan to survive while continuing that part of my degree. I've managed to pay off what little bit of a loan I did have and I'm not too much in debt at the moment and want to keep it that way. I could do it via Internet, I suppose, but I'm the type of person that needs to see and hear something for it to sink in. I know my strengths and weaknesses and doing it via Internet would not work for me. So, I am just updating my resume just in case things don't work out with this new company. Can't hurt, right? I miss school though. I love learning things. Just too hard to go to school, work, and raise this kid on my own. Sighs.

It's official...

I now work for another company! Personally I can't tell a bit of difference. I'm still doing the same amount of work and then some everyday. I looked for a little close to 60 records today. Does the new company affect my work...not one dang bit!!! : )

News today and more...

I had some news this morning at work that will affect me ...or not. Seems our company has been trying to talk another company into buying them. This company does the same thing we do only on a larger scale. Supposedly, all will be keeping their jobs but as with all things..once the paperwork is signed, they can do as they wish with us. I'm the only one that does what I do at work so I am hoping my job will still be of some value to them. A key good point though about all this is the new company offers HEALTH INSURANCE! It will be a dream job if I can get that and keep the job also. I love the fact that it's daytime work, off weekends, and I am off most of my daughter's school holidays. What more could a Mother ask for??? Besides another raise?

What is going on in this world??

People shooting kids????? I just read about the Amish school shooting and it's sooo sad to even hear of someone shooting a child. No where is safe anymore. Which is better? Home-schooling or dropping your child off at school where they have a chance to be shot by some disgruntled student or adult who just can't seem to get a grip on life. I know life can be hard, lord don't I know it, but I can't see what is in these people where another's life has no value to them at all. Especially a child's life. It's just sooo sad....

Not much going on lately...

Life is sort of serene. That's almost scary. Babysitter seems to be working out. Job is slowing down a tad but not as much as I wish it to. Weather has been great. I did finally call Planned Parenthood to find out how much it cost to see if you are in menapause. As always, it's more than I have right now so that is on hold. After three months of not having the unblessed curse I think I could get used to this. Of course, if something else is causing it, I'm not sure I really want to know. Kidlet has been having attitudes lately. I think she is the one PMS'ing. Asserting her independence is a good thing but not when she does it verbally and is rude. We are working on that part. That's about it for my life. Daughter should get back from the Bahamas tomorrow. She didn't take poor old Mom!! WAhhhhhhh

I got some news today!!!

I'm going to be a Grandma again in May!! My daughter and Grandson came to town and surprised me with a visit today. He's getting sooo big. Will be a year old next month already..sighs. Do I feel older now or what?

Mom is a wuss...

I broke down. I caved in. I bought the dang radio/CD player. It was either that or she was trying to resort to using my computer as a radio. That wasn't going to happen. No way. No how. Not ever. I did try to set her down once again and state, "If the CD's mess up. Push the stop button and come get MOM!". I don't think it will work. Want to take bets on how long this radio will last? : )

This shouldn't be allowed to happen..

It shouldn't happen but it does. I go to sleep and four to five hours later I wake up. Toss and turn. Say to heck with it and get up. Of course if I took something to help me sleep, then I might get another four hours. I don't want to become dependent on something to help me sleep. I'm still in pain these days from my back and neck. Dang stress! New sitter seems to be working out okay. We will see how she handles Vicky on her bad days. She's been arguing about getting a new CD player these past few days. Thinks I have money growing on trees so I can just take her to the store and get one. Ha! It may only be 20.00 but that 20.00 has to pay house bills first before she can be happy with a new one. Besides the "old new" one only lasted two weeks!!! Mom is trying to stand firm on this one. I don't think she's learning anything though. Except how to make her Mother more nuts....

It's been a stress filled week...

Did you know that stress can cause headaches, backaches, and shoulder pain (the kind that makes knots there) when you don't externalize all your worries? I've been fretting too much about finding a sitter and, cross your fingers, I hope I found a good one this time. She will start there Monday. This family has worked with special needs children before so her behaviour or abilities (lack thereof) will not come as a surprise to them. I so wish I could just afford to stay home with her when she is out of school but alas, Mom must earn enough for us to get by in life. Oops, brb, she wants a hug. Boy that kid is strong. She doesn't realize that a hug does not mean to strangle MOM. Ah, she needs more than a hug... later...

Sometimes I have bad thoughts...sighs

I was watching a movie this evening called, "The Other Daughter". It is about a mentally challenged girl who makes a stand to move into her own apartment, have a boyfriend, and eventually marry him. The movie makes it seem too easy, I think, or maybe things are just too hard here sometimes. I think to myself what I would do if I didn't have to raise my daughter. Would I live the quiet life I do now? or would I be a party girl out hanging at the bars every night trying to fill that void? It's hard raising her by myself. All the worries, trials, and events we go through. Some days she really gets on my nerves but it's not her fault and I try not to let it show so much. She gets fixated on things and when she does, she constantly repeats it until something else will grab her attention and detract from it. Until then, I am constantly answering the same questions over and over again. What would it be like to sleep in till 11am on weekends if she weren't around? What would it be like to not have to pick up after someone 12 out of 24 hrs a day? What would it be like to not have to worry about finding adequate care so I can work a full time job to support us? What would it be like? A boring, uneventful, and unmeaningless life. At least this way, I have meaning to my life. Things are never truly boring. I can sleep later when I am dead. I think I rather hear her laughter, see her dance, and worry when she walks into the walls because she can't see them. Yep, I'm a mother all right.

Never lean over your kid while washing her hair...

I was rinsing my daughter's hair last night and she went to come up and boy, did she ever! The back of her head whacked me so hard on my chin that my teeth slammed together. Fortunately, I didn't bite my tongue but I now have a bruise on the bottom of my chin and my jaw has been aching since. She keeps telling me she is sorry and I know it was an accident but it still hurts!!! She felt so bad that Mom bought her the new movie, Brother Bear 2, at Walmart today. I couldn't really afford it but I hate to tell her no because we don't have much to begin with. I can do without a few things for another week if it makes her happy. She's glued to the TV right now watching it. I think I'll go watch it with her...later !!!

I hate life's curve balls...

I picked up my daughter today from sitter only to be told tomorrow is the last day they will watch her. ONE DAY NOTICE! Isn't that just freaking great??? Apparently her child is having surgery and I am sorry about that but you can't tell me she didn't know before TODAY! She knows I rely on a sitter to work. Some people have no class at all. Sighs.

Steve Irwin is dead...

Long live all the dangerous creatures of the world! Oh okay, I'm not happy he died. That man drove me crazy when I would come across his show. I would have to quickly change the channel as to not scream at him, "You idiot! They are going to kill you!". Sure, he taught everyone valuable lessons about wild critters, but he was a certifiied nut in doing it. I guess though he died doing what he loved best. Being around a dangerous creature. Stingrays may look all lanquid and serene in the ocean as they glide through with ease but they still are "wild creatures" and he took a chance. This time it killed him. I mourn for his family and his children who now will have no father and have to watch his reruns only to think, "My Dad was really an idiot". A cute idiot though but still an idiot. I guess someone had to do his job in life. Good thing it was him, not I. God Bless his family in the coming days ahead...even years. I know how hard it is to lose a father to your kid(s). Believe me, I know. :(

Today's Quote...

To err is human; to refrain from laughing, humane.-Lane Olinghouse

This one made me laugh. So very very true.

The results are in!!!

I looked for, sent, faxed, couldn't find, UPS'd, or found on rolls a total of 967 records for August. I thought I would never pass my January count of 950 ever again but I did!!! No wonder I feel tired. Thankfully it's a three day weekend and I can relax, sort of. I'm on call all weekend. Kidlet has a sinus infection so we got meds for that today. I hated to take her because she missed their big Pep Rally at school but she really needs to get that nose thing cleared up. Her cough is finally gone though except for little bit due to drainage. I hate when she's sick. She is irritable and hard to please. Wait! That sounds like me when I'm sick... think she might really be mine???? : )