Some days I wake up...

And I think to myself, uh oh, that's a song, isn't it? ooops! Anyway, I think to myself that I am glad that I am single. My child is demanding at times, my job is demanding, and I am not really sure I have the time nor the energy to devote to meeting anyone else's demands. Relationships to me are suppose to be a two way street. You do for them, they do for you. But it's all mutual. Done out of love, respect, and the sheer joy of pleasing them. Maybe I've just picked the wrong men but I've ended up doing more than my fair share of pleasing and spoiling and I ended up resenting it. I still carry that resent to this day from my last relationship. It's wrong. I should let it go but I get scared. Scared that if someone wants to get too close, I'll end up in the same relationship I left. Then there are other days, I wake up feeling so alone. Wishing I had someone to just give me a hug. Tell me, yes, you are loved and special. Knowing and feeling these things aren't always easy. Being told is sometimes better. It's hard to battle your fear of not being needed with your desire to be alone. A contradiction of terms, I guess. Maybe I've become too selfish about my needs instead of looking for someone else to worry over. To me, a relationship involves much more than sex. You have to be able to talk to them. They have to at least show some interests in your passions even if they don't understand them. You have give as well as take. I refuse anymore to settle for anything less than what I NEED. I know it's too much to ask to find someone with enough intelligence to actually carry on a conversation. Too much to ask for a man to respect my space when I need it as I would respect theirs. Too much to ask for a man to just hold me sometimes without demanding more than I can give. I am sure there are men out there with their own complaints about women too. I don't disagree that either sex is perfect. I am far from perfect. I have so many issues, my issues have issues. I just want a friend. A friend who accepts me as I am. Imperfections and all. If it turns into love great, if not, it all good too. I don't want a sex buddy. I'm not looking for sex. That leads into a whole other string of issues. Just a friend.....